News → Wednesday 23 of December

The Mid-Week Mumble: Festive Cheer

Posted at Wed 23 Dec, at 11:26:00 in General By Tom A

Ahhh Christmas-time…

Iit’s nearly here – so what have we all got to look forward to over the festive season?

Terrible Cracker Jokes
Yes, no Christmas would be complete without a few bad jokes. Here’s some of the worst I’ve heard:

  • What’s a specimen? An Italian astronaut!
  • What do you call a man with brown paper trousers? Russell!
  • What do you call a man with a pole through his leg? Rodney!
  • Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party? He’s a fun guy to be with!
  • Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf-esteem!
  • Why should husbands make the early morning tea for their wives? Because the Bible says He Brews!

The few pointless days of work between Boxing Day and New Year
Every year, offices across the nation fill with hungover, bloated workers, incapable of focusing properly on their monitors, who spend the pointless inter-holiday period listlessly prodding at keyboards. No-one gets any work done and everyone resents every second.

Christmas Pudding/Christmas Cake
Pudding we can forgive; when it’s well done, and stewed for three-quarters of a century or whatever, and served on fire and with loads of double cream, it’s pretty edible. But Christmas cake is so heavy it’s in danger of collapsing under its own gravity, like a culinary version of a neutron star. And marzipan is disgusting. These are objective facts.

Christmas TV
That funny archbishop man with the beard and the eyebrows keeps cropping up on telly, like a boring Dumbledore, and there’s all these prayer services you have to get through before the Bond film starts.

Bah Humbugs aside though, this is a great time of year to be alive, and the team here at Off The Back would like to take the opportunity to wish you all a very merry Christmas!!!

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Comments

I would like to wish all Members & Staff of OTB,

A VERY MERRY XMAS & A SUPERB NEW YEAR :)
No-avatar
foszil
2 star
Posted at 25 Dec 2009 09:07 AM
Wow, I'm looking forward to receiving my drinking bird. I had one many years ago. Don't remember what became of it, suppose it got broken,so will enjoy this one. Thanks
164_avatar
piglet22
star17 medal
Posted at 25 Dec 2009 09:23 PM
Merry Christmas to everyone @ OTB, & members of OTB. Also Happy New Year to all.
No-avatar
mitch
star8 star
Posted at 25 Dec 2009 10:20 PM
 
My drinking bird arrived very quickly and safely and fascinates grandchildren. Many thanks for the free diary
164_avatar
piglet22
star17 medal
Posted at 04 Jan 2010 03:34 PM